I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
