Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
