I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
