A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
