Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
