Someone shit on the floor
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
