Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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