My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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