STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
