He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
