Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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