how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
