So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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