I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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