maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
