Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
