I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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