At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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