I just saw a hot homeless man
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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