I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
