I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
