Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
