So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
A bitchslap is in order.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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