All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
