wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
