is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
