Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
