Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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