We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
