I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
