That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
