By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
