I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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