I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
