her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
