shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
