he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
