i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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