sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
