There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
