fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
