I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
