Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
