dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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