Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
