I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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