Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
