So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
