Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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