mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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