you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
