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can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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