Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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