I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
